I imagine that I look good, I probably don’t but you know how good I can look, so it doesn't matter to you today. I won’t know how bad I really look until you've left the house, and by the time you return. I’ll have done my best to look exactly as you would dream I looked, if you had the choice. Sometimes if we have the time, you dress me up. You go through my wardrobe and pick out your favourite shoes, dress, and then you put my hair up, put red lipstick on me and stand me in front of the mirror. You rub baby oil on my stockings and manipulate my head using a fistful of my hair, and make me mouth the words “I’m yours” as you stand behind me and look at my reflection. I hate looking at myself, but I like very much that you like to, so for that reason, and because you own me, I enjoy every moment. “You’re beautiful!” you tell me as you fix your eyes on mine. My eyes are your favourite thing about me. You think you can’t decide between my eyes and my smile, but you haven’t acknowledged. I got along with the guys fine since I did my job, didn't make waves, and tried to be as invisible as possible. They knew I was a college student, so little was said to me about it.I still had a hole in my gut about Belle. I finished my golf lessons just as we broke up, so I didn't see her at all afterwards. I was regularly commuting to New Westminster now, so I wasn't hanging around home very much. Again, that limited whether I would see her or not. I had a number of sleepless nights as I thought about the consequences of not being with Belle, but I didn't see any easy way to resolve the problem until she was older, and hopefully, a little more mature.Diane had told me that she liked sailing, but didn't have the opportunity to get out very often. I liked sailing as well. I had a school chum who was allowed to use his parents' 36-foot sloop quite often. We had a lot of fun on that boat, even though we only knew the rudiments of sail handling.I thought about Diane's wish and stored it.
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